Don’t Take Things Personally
“People may attack you, criticize you, or ignore you. They can crumple you up with their words, spit you out, or even walk all over you. But just like a crumpled, stepped-on 20 euro note is still worth 20 euros, your value doesn’t decrease — no matter how damaged or mistreated you feel. You are still worthy.”
We take things personally either because we assume it’s about us (ego), or because it triggers a deeper insecurity or unresolved emotional issue within us. To stop taking things personally, we must learn to shift our perspective and build emotional awareness.
We all take things personally sometimes — a look, a comment, a cancellation. But often, it’s not about us. And when it is, it’s a chance to grow.
1. It’s Not About Me
Most of the time, people’s actions reflect their own mood, needs, or situation — not you. 👉 Shift from “me” to “we”. Try to understand the intention behind the behavior.
Examples:
- They’re on their phone during your talk? Maybe they’re:
- Taking notes
- Getting an urgent message
- Disinterested — and that’s okay.
- A tailgater might just be in a rush.
- A child yelling “I hate you!” is upset they can’t stay up later and doesn’t actually hate you
🧠 “When I focus on the intention of the other person, there’s no need to take it personally.”
2. It Is About Me
If it hurts, it’s likely touching an insecurity or unresolved need inside you. Ask: “What part of me is reacting?” Be kind to yourself. And if needed, speak up — honestly, but without blame.
Examples:
- Someone calls you selfish and it stings? Maybe it’s because part of you believes it.
- A friend ignores or criticizes your work? It may echo old patterns — like needing to be perfect to feel worthy.
💬 “We can only take things personally if it somehow touches a raw nerve.”
💬 “By being vulnerable… you increase the chance that the other one will understand you and take your needs into account.”
Some other key highlights:
- 80% of thoughts are negative – our minds tend to assume the worst.
- You are not an orange. If someone says something untrue, and it doesn’t match any belief inside you, you don’t take it personally. So if you do take it personally — maybe there’s truth in it worth exploring.
Another personal example of mine:
When I miss a turn or park far, my girlfriend says I lack presence of mind. It stings, but maybe it’s not about me — she could be tired, in a rush, or raised in a home where efficiency and precision mattered. Her comment reflects her mindset, not my worth.
Another fun quote to use:
“That old voice says I’m careless or not good enough. But that’s not true now. I’m thoughtful, I care, and I don’t need to be perfect to be valuable.”
You could create a “Don’t Take It Personally Toolkit” at the end with 3 reminders:
- Pause and reframe: “What else could this mean?”
- Notice the trigger: “What belief or wound is reacting?”
- Respond, don’t react: Be curious, not defensive.